Understanding Shame in Child Advocacy
November 3, 2026
by Dr. Kate Watson
The Advocacy Academy
Spotlight on The Advocacy Academy: A dedicated place for advocate growth and development
Children and families arriving at child advocacy centers may carry a message: “There is something wrong with me.” Shame can shape how they see themselves, relate to others, and respond to support. Understanding shame means recognizing both what it tries to protect and what it can cost families.
In a way, shame can be self-protective. When their sense of belonging feels threatened, shame may urge children and caregivers to stay quiet, hide their needs, or avoid attention. These responses can make sense in unsafe environments, even when they later limit connection and growth.
Shame can also become a tool for control. People who abuse children may use humiliation or messages of unworthiness to discourage disclosure and maintain power. Children may internalize those messages, blaming themselves even when nobody is criticizing them.
Even well-meaning people may shame families while trying to help: “You should have left sooner. You don’t want your children exposed to violence, do you?” Such comments assume that making someone feel worse will motivate better decisions. Yet there is not a shred of empirical evidence that shame fuels positive change. In fact, shame is more likely the cause of problematic behavior than the solution to it. Shame can contribute to depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and other difficulties. Adding more shame can reinforce the very problems someone needs help addressing.
A more helpful response begins with curiosity about what shame might be protecting. Advocates can acknowledge families’ fears without reinforcing self-blame. When caregivers need to address responses, accountability can focus on actions, their impact, and opportunities for repair while affirming their worth. Responsibility for abuse remains with the person who committed it.
For CAC advocates, this means protecting dignity, offering choices, challenging blame, and recognizing the conditions surrounding families’ struggles. Compassionate connection can help children and caregivers experience belonging without having to hide themselves.
For more learning, The Advocacy Academy offers a free course about shame. Find it at www.advocacyacademycourses.org and explore ways to support clients with compassion.
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Dr. Kate Watson is the President and Founder of The Advocacy Academy, which is a consulting company focused on the development of skilled victim and family advocates to reduce violence around the world. Through her work with The Advocacy Academy, she has conducted educational workshops in 32 states, 8 countries, and across many fields: healthcare, education, social services, financial advising, victim advocacy, corrections, and leadership. On average, Dr. Watson speaks to 10,000 live audience members each year. She is an on-going consultant to the Department of Defense, the NFL, and to major television networks. In addition to her speaking and consulting work, Dr. Watson sits on the Board of Directors for The Lady Parts Collective, which is a Los Angeles-based theater company specializing in the development of work relevant to women in the United States. She is also a Director Emeritus for the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.
Dr. Watson is the author of three books: (1) Only Trying to Help: Higher Standards for Well-Meaning Friends, Colleagues, Parents, and Partners, (2) Motivational Interviewing for Victim Advocates, and (3) The Embodied Advocate: The Inner Work Necessary to be an Advocate Against Power-Based Violence.
